God Will Fill Your Cradle

I have a friend that is dealing with the pain of infertility. I dealt with that until God gave me a child through adoption. Very shortly after her birth (5 months to be exact) I had to have a complete hysterectomy...not by choice. I still deal with the pain of infertility and that eternal longing to have been able to carry a child and give birth. But God had a specific child in mind for me and KNEW that with this child, I only needed one!!

I found the following article on Crosswalk.com and decided to share it. It deals with so many things that women who never have to struggle with infertility might never think of.

And to my friend....God loves you dearly. He will provide for you, in all your desires. Trust Him. Love Him. And it's also ok to be mad at Him sometimes. He already knows your heart....

Psalm 37:4 (New International Version)
4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.



Waiting on God to Fill the Cradle
April Motl
In His Eyes Ministries

"Do you have children?"

It seems as though the frequency of the question should numb the sting - but it doesn't. Whether your wait for a baby feels like an eternity or has just begun, the issue of infertility reaches deep into our emotions with fingers that touch many of our relationships. There are four specific areas where my husband and I have dug deep emotionally and spiritually to find the treasure in this season of waiting: our friends, our identity, marriage and our relationship with God.

I. Friendships
It can be painful spending time with friends surrounded by baby coos and toddler's cuddles when your own arms are empty. I watched a friend who had just miscarried clench her fists at the announcement of another woman's pregnancy as she declared, "That should have been mine! That was supposed to be my baby!" The temptation to become jealous or give way to self-pity is very real and very ugly in this circumstance. I have employed a few tactics in this area:

1. Confess any self-pity or jealousy to the Lord.
2. Pray before going into a situation that will be charged with "baby wanting" emotion. Ask for God's comfort, truth and perspective.
3. Exchange self-focus for other-oriented thinking by serving friends with children.
4. Limit time in circumstances that increase "baby wanting".


II. Identity
Facing down infertility can deeply impact your identity. Thoughts like, is God withholding blessing from me? Maybe I would just make a really bad parent. Or my personal favorite, I must be crazy! Hoping (or being positively convinced) each little symptom is the one that finally means "I'm pregnant!" while the months slip into years, can make anyone feel a little delusional!

Beside all the "crazy" thoughts, there can be heavy guilt associated with not being pregnant. My heart has ached as I have wrongly absorbed responsibility for not getting pregnant. Two women jeeringly asked, "What's the matter with you? Why can't you give your husband children?" For some couples, past failures or hurts rear their ugly head. Abortions and STDs can increase the difficulty in having children, further compounding a sense of guilt. Sexual baggage from personal choices or abuse can get tossed into the issue of processing infertility. The empty cradle has profoundly deep emotional impact. In order to maintain a healthy self-image in the midst of this circumstance, here are a few stabilizing practices:



1. Confess wrong thinking about issues of guilt as they come up. If past mistakes have a long-term affect on your fertility, ask God to forgive you and then live in His grace! This won't necessarily solve your medical concerns, but it will bring spiritual healing and more peace. And remember, no one is perfect. We're all sinners in need of grace. And if you wrongly take responsibility for your infertility, ask God to purify your thinking with His truth.
2. Talk and pray with your spouse, a mentor, ministry leader, Christian counselor -- or all of the above to Scripturally process any old baggage your empty cradle might be stirring up.
3. Root your identity in what the Bible says about you.

III. Marriage

When a couple sets out to start a family, it is devastating to come up month after month with a negative sign on the pregnancy test. But in the middle of the disappointment there can be good things that come your way. While you and your spouse are waiting, try these ideas:

1. Pray about three qualities you want your family to have and then spend time developing them. Example: my husband and I want to grow in our finances so we are doing a Christian video seminar together about financial freedom.
2. Celebrate this time together! Do things you wouldn't normally do with kids -- take a non-kid friendly vacation, make love somewhere you wouldn't if you had kids in the house, encourage each other to pursue goals that you might not if you had kids right now.
3. Communicate! Talk to each other about your feelings when you both want to talk about it. Because this is such a deeply emotional topic give your spouse time to process before you jump into a conversation.
4. Pray together! Talk to the Lord together about what you are feeling and commit your desires to Him. If your situation warrants it, prayerfully consider options like adoption.

IV. Your Relationship with God

Your empty cradle affects your life in many ways, but your relationship with God will even more deeply affect every aspect of your life. If we wrongly take responsibility for our infertility, it is because we do not understand that God is the giver of life. If we blame our spouse or allow the disappointment to pull our marriage apart, we put our husband/wife on the throne of our hearts instead of giving God His rightful place within us. Your relationship with the Lord will be the solid rock, enabling you to weather the storm of disappointment that comes with not having children. Here are some ideas to help you seek His face in this circumstance:

1. Be honest with God; He has big enough shoulders for you to give Him your hurts.
2. Study the places in the Bible where a couple didn't have children. Ask yourself, what was God developing in this couple, what did He want them to learn about Him and themselves through infertility? This has been such a blessing of hope to me!
3. Pray for a baby! Scripture details many couples who wanted children and prayed for one. We have dear friends who conceived after years of an empty womb when they asked for others to pray for them.
4. Learn contentedness. Life is full of waiting and you will be a much better parent and individual if you learn the secret of contentedness in the circumstances God brings your way.
5. Be open to the Potter's hand. Seek to give and bend to God's shaping hand in your life. Embrace what He is doing and ask Him for the grace to live, feel and think about these circumstances in accordance with His plan for your life.
6. Trust God! The Lord is up to something good in your life (Romans 8:28)! My husband and I have talked about some of the purposes God might have for not giving us children. We may or may not be right, but we understand that our lack of children does not equate an absence of God's purpose or work in our lives.

Amidst the charting of temperatures and other unmentionables, may you find that place of peace in God, may your marriage grow in this season and may you be richly blessed as you wait on God to fill your cradle.

And so the issue is....and I do not apologize

One of my FB friends posted this: This was the Tag Line that the post was opened up with:


Another Republican comes out of the closet.....

(And here was the story),

State Sen. Roy Ashburn (R-Calif.), the fierce opponent of gay rights who was arrested last week for drunk driving after leaving a gay nightclub, confirmed in a radio interview Monday that he is gay.

"I'm gay," Ashburn told local radio host Inga Barks before returning to the Senate for the first time since his arrest. "Those are the words that have been so difficult for me for so long."

Ashburn, a 55-year-old divorced father of four, claimed his 15-year crusade against proposed gay-rights laws in the California statehouse stemmed from his desire to vote the way his constituents wanted.

AND NOW HERE IS MY RESPONSE THAT I POSTED, FOR WHICH I AM NOT SORRY, I FEEL THIS WAY DEEPLY....WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH US AS HUMANS THAT WE FEEL WE MUST HAVE THIS CRUTCH???

OK, I've never been gay and therefore I have no way of knowing what it would be like to keep a secret of who you truly are, when you are the age that he is and has an entire different book of generational "crap" rolling around in his head. How his family, friends, constituants will regard him, not because of his sexual orientation, but because he has been lying to them. How his role in life might change because of an admission, I don't know that feeling.

My personal feeling is that being gay has nothing to do with the true issue of being ashamed.  He should be ashamed of drunk driving..driving under the influence when he could have possibly killed an innocent person, he could have destroyed a person's life because he chose to become intoxicated and then get behind the wheel! The fact that he is gay is his personal business, but it has overshadowed a fact that is NOT his personal business....that he CHOSE to become intoxicated, be it through alcohol or an illegal substance, and got behind the wheel of a car that became a lethal weapon because of his intoxication...and could have changed another person's life and their family's lives, forever. Somehow I don't think that the fact that he is a Republican or Democrat has anything to do with it. Nor is the fact that he is gay or straight. And have we all not done, or covered up, or lied about things in our own lives? Can we not focus on the fact that he was under the influence and DRIVING? My daughter was almost hit yesterday by a driver who chose to ignore the fact that there was a bus in front of him with the lights flashing....3:00 in the afternoon....would we like to discuss what was wrong with the idiot driving the car? Don't know if he is straight or gay...don't care...none of my busines. Let's discuss his mental state at that time, with both the bus driver and this Senator!!!!

Intoxication behind the wheel. When are we going to get MAD about this? It is viewed as social normalcy. Funny. Someone we know got home and can't remember how and the story that they have to tell is really funny. THANK GOD THEY DIDN'T KILL SOMEONE ON THE WAY HOME! How funny would it be then? Our political gatherings, social gatherings, ... See Morefamily gatherings usually involve alcohol. Why? Because we can't stand to be around each other sober? Don't know. I don't drink and haven't for over 13 years. And don't plan to again. My personal opinion, nobody needs to. As a nurse I have seen the damage that it does to families. So have you Robin. When is your newspaper going to get mad about that? When are we as a society going to get mad about that? Never, because we are too dependent on it. It is a social, and physical, crutch that kills. Sorry to go off, and you have known me many years and so you know that I don't go off. But this just twists my insides. Makes me almost physically ill to know that the BIG newsworthy issue is that the guy was drunk and driving!!!

If you choose to drink in your home and STAY at home, that is definitely your business.  And if you choose to go out and drink...have a designated driver!!  A TRUE designated driver that WILL NOT DRINK WHILE YOU ARE OUT!!!  But when you choose to drink, and "it's just one drink. I'm fine. There is no problem. I'm not affected in any way", that is my business. You just endangered me, my family, my friends. It probably won't make a difference to you until it truly DOES affect you or your family or your teenager or your child that was innocently walking across the street. Then let's see if you choose to get upset. And by "you", I mean all of us. All that think it is funny to get "a little tipsy" and put the lampshade on our heads. We are all "you" and we all need to get mad.

So that's what I wrote, and that's how I feel. And I do not apologize.

Has it just been one day?

OK....check it out.

Got up this morning....went to church. Sounds normal for Sunday, right?

Well, usually after church I go home, eat and then watch what I want to watch on TV because my mother takes pity on me and let's my daughter go to her house for the afternoon. And then, possibly, and probably, I take a nap.

Today I came home, ate lunch, checked Facebook...and started cleaning. I STARTED CLEANING! And kept cleaning. It was amazing!

I am going to make my get-the-house-cleaned-in-a-week goal! Remember yesterday I talked about needing to get two rooms done in one day? Well I got the kitchen cleaned, the family room cleaned and both baths cleaned. I am ahead of the game. But...can't stop the momentum tomorrow.

I am going to tackle my bedroom tomorrow. Mostly I have to throw away all the catalogs that I got throughout the holidays. Seriously, I would get 6-8 a day. It is time to throw them all out. Hmmm, they are sitting there looking at me right this minute. I am thinking I could cull through a few before bedtime.......WAIT A MINUTE!!!! Who am I and what have I done with myself? I am actually looking forward to cleaning stuff up and seeing how it feels to live "clean." (I think actually there is a book called "Eating Clean" or maybe it is "Clean Eating" not sure.) I am also wondering if I have a problem with staying on subject....but surely not!

I have not watched TV all day.....I have cleaned. Now, I do need to sweep and vacuum in those rooms, but other than that....clean.

I am sure that most of you are reading this thinking....what is her deal? And I wish I had your thought processes. I have a friend who cleans all the time. She worked with me until recently. She would work 8-9 hours a day and then go home, cook, clean the dishes, clean the kitchen, do the floors, do laundry, clean the house and then would tell me about it the next morning. It wore me out just hearing what all she did....so obviously I was too tired to clean my house when I got home because I was worn out from all that she did! (She is an awesome lady, awesome cook, and I wish I had the "want to" that she has to do all that she does at her home.)

So, it is now time to get the daughter to bed....school starts back in the morning. Take the dog outside for one last potty break before bed......wash my face (because I AM obsessive about washing my face every morning and every night)....and crash into my bed. Oh! And did I mention that I washed and changed my sheets today? Oh my, I think I feel rapture on the way!!!!! Stay tuned for more....who knows what I will accomplish before the week is out.

Whoever has been praying for me today.....KEEP IT UP!!! And THANKS!

What I Hate About Me

OK, So I watched this new TV show tonight on Style Network. The name of the show is "What I Hate About Me."

Now:

#1: I think this is a statement that we are making about ourselves in today's world that there is a television show about things we hate about ourselves. I mean really, do we really have to have a show about people exposing all of their "hates?" Seriously, don't we have enough media influence telling us how deficient we are in one way or another?...

Brad and Angelina have adopted how many children and birthed how many children?....and I have miscarried three and only adopted one....

Heidi Klum has lost all of her baby weight from her last pregnancy and I still haven't lost the 12 pounds that I gained when I ADOPTED my daughter 12 years ago....Yes, I gained weight when I was going through the adoption process....Hey, give me a break. I think I wanted the entire pregnancy experience, but since I wasn't pregnant, what was a girl to do? Eat!!

This show is kind of like the other show that I don't understand...1,000 Ways To Kill Yourself, or whatever the real title is...can't remember right now. But, as a nurse, I can assure you that people do NOT need help figuring out ways to kill themselves. We are naturals at it. Seems like it is kind of like of like our second job. But that's another blog.

#2: I now have a show to point out more things about myself to dislike (I really dislike the word hate). I have enough dislikes that I already know about myself without help from television, or any other type of media, to point out more!

So, I have decided that I will try to really start this blog this year (because I only plsted one thing on it in 2009) about just things that I don't like, and hopefully a lot that I do...so here we go......

I dislike that I am a slob. There. I said it. Speaking about television (do we see a theme in my life?), and again the Style Network, have you seen the show "Clean House?" OK, I am not THAT bad, but I would love for them to come to my house and help me get it cleaned and organized. I would invite them in and let them sell anything, pretty much, that they wanted to. I have probably 3 pieces of furniture that I won't let go of. And they are pretty small pieces. OK, 4 pieces. Maybe 6 counting both of Aunt Nina's library end tables......

Anyway, I have a really cute house. My mother and my friend, Nancy, transformed it from a not-really-decorated-since-1960 house to a "Happy House" (more about that another time also). Like I said, really cute and Mary Engelbreit inspired. But I am a procrastinator about picking stuff up. And I blame it on myself part of the time and my daughter part of the time. And the daughter part is partly true. But mostly it's easier to blame someone else than to take the time, and energy, to clean it up. I also blame it on the fact that I am a single mother, work full-time, deal with my ADHD daughter, blah, blah, blah. But the basics are...I just don't want to do it.

So, I am setting myself a time limit to get it changed. January 31, 2010. Now, it is not going to take that long to get it cleaned, I won't set a date for that, but I will aim for next weekend. I am not going to do it all in one day. That would be an exercise in futility. But, maybe a room an evening? But since we have basketball practice on Thursday, and school is starting back this week so homework every night, and....SEE!!!! Already finding excuses. OK, back to a room an evening. I only have 8 rooms counting both bathrooms, so the two bathrooms in one day and then I will just need to pick a SMALL room on basketball night. (And by the way, any tips would be appreciated!). My mom has told me that she would come and help me, but please...I am 52 years old and I need my mom to come help me clean my house?????? I NEED to do this myself.

And then, I need to teach my daughter how to do it so that she doesn't end up being 52 years old and wondering why she is a slob and blogging about it (although when she is 52 in the year 2049, I doubt that people will still be blogging).

So, keep me in your prayers (Yes, I am serious) and watch my progress on this. It is supposed to take 21 days to break a habit. I am going to give myself a little longer......